Alcoholism and addiction can be incredibly selfish diseases. We alcoholics and addicts can and frequently do put our need to use above the wishes and feelings of our loved ones. I had thought I’d stop drinking so much when I got married. That didn’t happen. I next thought I’d stop drinking so much when I had children. That didn’t happen. Although I loved and still love my wife and children, my love for them did not remove me from my obsession with drink. I just wasn’t ready to concede that I couldn’t be a good husband or father while alcohol had any sway over my life. I did ultimately make that realization, but it took a lot of pain to get there.
Seneca’s quotation above is applicable to both active addiction and recovery, though. Seneca tell us, Dear Reader, we cannot live truly happy lives while our sole concern is ourselves. It’s somewhat counterintuitive, really, that we won’t be happy if we just do what we want, when we want to. Why wouldn’t that make us happy? Isn’t that strange? What Seneca knew was that the full expression of our character necessarily involves putting others first, from time to time. People who fail to recognize this, people suffering from “Main Character Syndrome” are destined for a life of isolation and resentment.
Getting sober is the ultimate act of self-deprivation. We addicts are physically, emotionally, and spiritually bound to our drug of choice. To willfully deprive ourselves of it is to reject our base instincts for both our good and that of the remaining people in our lives who love us. Living in recovery is and must be the opposite of living in addiction. Where before we lived catering to our own whims, we must now live not only for ourselves, but also for our loved ones and the community of alcoholics and addicts to whom we can now provide support and guidance.
To use our experience, strength, and hope to help and inspire the newcomer and the suffering addict is the fullest expression of recovery. That is why it’s the 12th Step in AA: it requires all the skills and experience we acquired along the way to adequately mentor the newcomers and to truly carry the message.
And, carry the message we should. Recovery from addiction is not a skill we should keep to ourselves. It doesn’t belong to any one of us. To us, this recovery was freely given and we must give it away to keep it. There is no greater joy in recovery from addiction/alcoholism than to share your experience with someone and help them in the same way you were once helped. Frequently, I find that when I am having a hard time with my own life, to remove myself from my troubles just for long enough to counsel a newcomer is enough of a respite from my problems to allow them to pass.
So, Dear Reader, know that your recovery will be stronger and more enjoyable if you find ways to use what you’ve experienced in sobriety for the benefit of your fellows. I hope you will.
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