“What is quite unlooked or is more crushing in its effect, and unexpectedness adds to the weight of a disaster.” --Seneca

This quotation from Seneca appears in a section of Letters from a Stoic that is chiefly about how it is imperative that people anticipate certain inherent challenges and setbacks will befall them in life.  We must shed the illusion of uniqueness when it comes to the struggles we face, particularly as recovering alcoholics/addicts.

We will all lose loved ones.  We will watch people we care for suffer.  We will have times of poor health, times of poor fortune, times of poor esteem.  There will be ups, but there will be downs.  We will experience pain, anger, sadness, regret, grief, shame, and fright.  Seneca advises that we remain cognizant of that, so these negative experiences don’t knock us off our perch when they come along.

We hear and repeat frequently that alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful.  I believe that it is.  I also believe that even in sobriety, we confront situations that are new to us all the time.  Sometimes, this causes confusion.  Other times, fear.  Life is unpredictable.  If we want to stay sober, we will have to learn to roll with the punches a bit and a key survival technique for doing that is acknowledging they will occur, often before we are ready or completely without warning.

In this passage, Seneca goes to great lengths to explain how misfortune, when unanticipated, has a greater effect on us.  This is quite obvious and the natural remedy would seem to be to come to grips with the nature of the world not revolving around us and catering to our preferences that certain bad things simply not happen.

For us in recovery, it is simply critical that we not allow circumstances beyond our control to lead us to relapse.  We know by our very nature that a return to drink or drug could easily get completely out of control, leading to a cascading series of disasters that completely disarms us against additional problems.

Another thing to keep in mind is that we should not take for granted when the good times happen.  We should not fail to appreciate the delicate sweetness of times with loved ones, quiet times of peace, or even the brief time when all the laundry is folded and the dishes are done.  These things can be heartbreakingly temporary and so they ought to be savored.  We can inoculate ourselves against regret by appreciating the joys we experience, however brief they may seem.

I don’t read Seneca as suggesting we need to be doom and gloomers.  We don’t have to be Debbie Downers, always focusing on the negative.  That’s not the point and certainly defeats the purpose of enjoying positive experiences as they are happening.  Rather than dwell on negativity, I think we are called to recognize that life is difficult and we will be confronted with challenges.  We have to decide if we want to face those challenges with the best of ourselves or the worst.  Dear Reader, I hope you will nourish your better nature and prepare yourself for the challenges to come.  At the same time, I hope you will find joy in the simple things, temporary as they can feel.  Live in the moment.  Breathe, observe, and enjoy the peaceful contentment of living your life as the best version of yourself.